Hey y'all! I started this blog in high school, probably around my Freshman(?) year and it used to have a lot of stuff posted in it. Short stories. Reviews. Ramblings of a young adult. Yet, as the years have passed, I keep going through all of my old posts and reverting them to drafts. I'm going to be honest. As much as I love writing, I hate my writing. I feel like if you love something enough and are passionate about it, you become your own worst critic in the process. That's what happened to me, and I don't really know why. But I think I need to get some things off of my chest. So, this is my first post in years... Technically it's my first, according to my blog's archives. Here goes nothing.
Currently, I'm in my Junior/Senior year at university and I serve as a Community Advisor (CA) in my residence community. I will graduate next fall semester, with a major in History, a minor in Gender & Women's Studies, and a certificate in Museum Studies. To be quite honest with y'all, I'm afraid of the future. I'm afraid of the prospects that await me outside of my undergrad life. Afraid of finding a job. Afraid of looking for a new apartment and possibly moving away from my friends and family. I think its all just a little too much, all at once.
And while I worry about my future, I'm all too caught up in the present, worrying about anything and everything. Last night, I made a Twitter post that sums up how I feel constantly: "Me at me: Why are you like this?" Why am I like this? I honestly don't know. I'm still trying to figure it all out. But what I do know is this:
1) I love my job. I have been wanting to be a CA since the first time a fellow resident mistook me for one during my first semester at university. Even though I'm busy with the position, I wouldn't want it any other way.
2) Even though I like being alone, I can't live alone. Pretty self explanatory, but it's hard to really hard to wrap my head around. In all my years of living away from my family, I've never been homesick. But now that I do live alone, I miss my family and pets more than anything. Even more so, I miss my old roommates. I thrive off of interactions with people, so living alone has not helped me out one bit. I'll more than likely get roommates in a few weeks, but until then, this apartment is my domain.
3) I'm busy AF! I made a "To Do" list a few days ago. It used up a full notebook sheet of paper. Half of the things have been crossed off. I think you know where this is going...
4) My anxieties about the future and such. I talked about this, but it's always fun to put in list form.
5) Life happens when you're busy making other plans. It happens to everyone. And while you could be having the time of your life, or thinking about your final term paper, or even writing a blog post that only three people will read, something comes up. It never fails. I just hope that everything will be okay.
I could keep rambling on, but I think that's all I wanted to get into for now. Who knows? Maybe soon this post will be reverted to a draft, no longer in my blog queue for anyone to read... Maybe I'll keep writing, documenting my experiences throughout the year. I just know that opportunity was pounding on my door, asking me to write about how I feel in this moment. So, rather than shutting out that opportunity and internalizing everything, I opened the door. I'm kind of glad that I did.
